I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
