ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
