I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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