I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
