I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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