I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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