Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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