then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
