Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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