Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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