If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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