too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
