I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
