we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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