Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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