I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I love you. Go after that dick
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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