it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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