i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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