my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
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Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
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How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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