She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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