Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
