Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You ate ashes out of my bong
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
