i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
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