Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
