It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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