Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
