i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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