I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
