I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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