I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
