She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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