Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
