He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
where am i from again
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
