Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Randomize
