I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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