My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
