My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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