TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
