what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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