I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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