Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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