if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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