her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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