please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
