When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Randomize
