I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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