Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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