your parents love me but you hate me
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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