he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
