walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
