I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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