The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
