i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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