I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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