Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
