I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
