There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
