So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
