another moral hangover. fuck.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
