At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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