sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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