All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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