he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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