But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
