ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
