you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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