Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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