I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He is an equal opportunity slut.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
