where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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