If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
