Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
