so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
