; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
