The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
