nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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