Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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